Twenty days have passed since that positive test, what happened in this time?
Once the emotional confusion of discovery is put aside, you start thinking about practical things: what should I do now?
We communicated my pregnancy to the hospital of reference and they gave us the first appointment with the midwife. Today my husband and I went there. Needless to say, the sensations I feel right now are many but the strongest is certainly the fear of having to somehow retrace the first pregnancy to determine whether or not this will be a risky pregnancy. The midwife is very sweet and very kind and, as I had imagined, we begin to dig into the first pregnancy with many many questions.
The appointment lasts a long time and is very accurate, but in the end the answer is a high-risk pregnancy.
Risk… six years ago this word accompanied me for nine months, infusing me with a sense of helplessness and fear… Impotence because my risk is not to lose the child in the most “common” sense of the term, but is given by the fact that I have an immune disease because of which I have active antibodies that can cause cardiological problems in the fetus, slowing of the beat up to cardiac arrest in the belly. What can I do about it? Absolutely nothing! I can hope that everything goes well also because I will be able to start getting an idea of how it goes, if there is really something in the child’s heart or not, only from the 20th week and clearly we are still very far away.
Hearing these things brought back pains and worries that now seemed distant and outdated… Our daughter had a high-risk pregnancy and heart problems for which she would not have survived a natural birth and therefore I had a caesarean. After the birth, the problems were still there – fortunately not extremely serious – but it took two years before they resolved completely naturally without the need for interventions. So we can say that everything went well and indeed it is, but thinking of being able to relive those moments is certainly not helping me. Not to mention the terror of having to undergo another caesarean. I constantly try to tell myself that every pregnancy is different, that it could go in another way, that now the conditions have changed and that I have to believe that it will not be the same, but obviously it is not easy…
I am convinced that every pregnancy is accompanied by many fears and worries, but we must believe that we will be able to overcome whatever happens and we must hope that our little ones are attached to life enough to resist everything…
It takes courage…
See you at the next chapter!
Ale, mum of 2!